Chapter Text
It’s dark when Buck and Athena leave the pier bench. Buck’s calmed down somewhat, he feels like he can breathe easier, like instead of only 1,000 glass shards in his chest there's 999. It’s progress.
Buck and Athena stand next to her car under an obscenely orange street light. He knows they both have to leave, they do have work tomorrow after all, but he’s reluctant to bid farewell to Athena, if only for a bit. Athena feels the same way too, she memorizes his face, taking note of the new changes age has brought.
“I don’t want to push you, and I want you to say no if you’re uncomfortable… but I want you to see Bobby again.” The second the words leave Athena’s mouth Buck feels his chest constrict. His gut reaction is to say no, that he can’t bear seeing the man he saw as a stand in father after he sabotaged his firefighting career.
Buck’s never been an angry person, but right now? He does feel anger towards Bobby, even if a tiny, atom-sized portion of his brain screams at him that Bobby just loved him, even if he did go about it the wrong way. But on the other hand… Buck still really misses him, despite everything. Plus, he thinks back to his other reunions - Chim, Maddie, Hen, and now Athena, how they still continue to love him even after he left. They all see the reasons why he left and understand them. He hopes Bobby feels the same way.
“Ok. Yeah, um, I-” Buck takes a moment to gather his thoughts, “Sure. I’ll meet Bobby.” Athena smiles and pulls him in for one last hug.
“I’ll text you when he’s off rotation, Buckaroo. We’ll find something later this week.” She says before getting in her car and driving off. Buck can feel her glancing into the rearview mirror as she turns left on Colorado Avenue, disappearing into the night.
***
Hen has become a welcome addition to the Buckley-Han Dinner night. Though Buck supposes it should now be called the Buckley-Han-Wilson Dinner night. There was some trepidation that the dinner would fall through with Buck and Hen’s work schedule, but wouldn’t you know, being the interim trauma chief gives him access to the intern schedule.
It would have been easier to let his work schedule wash over him and consistently take 90 hour weeks to avoid the pain and the familiarity of it all, but Buck’s done with that. He missed his sister and his friends, he’s tired of running.
“So anyway, Bobby had to jump in-” Chim says, cutting himself off telling the group a story of a call involving the La Brea Tar Pits and a bet involving a group of teenagers. Instantly the temperature of the room plumits.
“Sorry, I uh, I forgot about… you know.” Chim says in apology to Buck. Buck shrugs his shoulders and waves him off.
“Don’t be. I’m… I’m actually getting dinner with him sometime in the next couple weeks.” Buck says to a still silent room. There’s expressions of shock and dismay, but also hope.
“Dinner?” Maddie asks, the first one to break out of the funk. Buck nods his head.
“Yeah. Let’s just hope it isn’t anything like last time.” Buck says, injecting some levity into the air. There’s a humorous chuckle from Chim and Hen.
“But that’s good, right? Are we celebrating or…” Hen says. Buck thinks for a moment before deciding. He does want to see Bobby again, he misses him greatly, but… Well, but. Everything is different now.
“Celebrating.” He takes a sip of his water. “I mean, of course I’m like sh*tting myself from nerves, but… I think it could be good for both of us.”
Maddie looks at him with sisterly affection. “It will be good for you, and if it isn’t then… well, I guess I’m beating him up.” There’s laughter at that, imaging all 5’5 of Maddie Buckley storming into the 118 to give the 6' 3-farmer built Bobby the ass whooping of a lifetime.
“I’m serious! It’s my responsibility as a big sister.” She defends. Even Jee seems to laugh at that.
“Oh hush, Bobby and I will handle ourselves just fine.” Buck says, despite the prospect of seeing Bobby again.
“It will be fine Buckaroo.” Hen says seriously, placing her hand over his. “It has to be, because the rest of the interns are already sorta scared of you, and we can’t have a brooding Buck running the ED.” She adds.
“I don’t brood!”
“That’s what you got out of that? Not that the rest of my class is scared?” Hen says amused. “You know what we call you, right?” She adds a hint of mischief in her eyes.
“Interns should be scared, it makes them better doctors.” Buck says as her last question sinks in, “Wait, no, what do they call me?” He asks, curious.
“Sarge, like a drill sergeant.” Hen says chuckling while Buck sputters. He swears he isn’t that bad, or at least he doesn’t seem like he is. He just expects greatness, as surgeon’s they literally hold lives in their hands.
“Oh Buck, are you really being mean to those interns?” Maddie asks as Chim dies of laughter next to her.
“Sarge? They call me Sarge? Are you serious?” Buck asks incredulously.
“Oh my God, I have got to visit you at work Buck.” Chim says laughing along with Hen. Buck playfully rolls his eyes.
“I’ll put you there myself Han.” Buck replies, earning more laughs from the group.
***
“Today’s the day, right?” Hen asks, siding up to Buck as they both walk back from surgery. It was a relatively easy surgery, just a liver transplant. Buck looks at Hen nodding.
“Yup. I get off at 4, have about an hour to freak out, then dinner with Bobby.” Buck says, depositing the tablet at the nurses’ station. It’s shaping up to be a relatively quick day in the ED, nothing too major. It should come as a relief to Buck, but he can’t help but feel a sense of foreboding.
“You’ll be fine, plus Athena will be there and she's very neutral, even with Bobby.” Hen says. Hearing Bobby’s name doesn’t hurt anymore, or at least it hurts less. More progress.
“I know, it’s just… I don’t know.” Buck replies, signing some paperwork. Hen moves to say something when the red phone at the nurses station rings. That’s never good. The red phones are used only in severe emergencies for communicating between the hospital and emergency services. The nursing station goes quiet as the lead nurse answers.
“UCLA Medical… ok… thank you…” She hangs up the phone, looking shaken and visibly pale. Hen grasps Buck’s arm, Buck tightens his grip on the counter. The nurse looks at Buck and clenches her jaw.
“That was the Los Angeles Office of Emergency Management. A faulty switch in San Bernardino allowed Amtrak’s Southwest Chief to travel at 90 miles an hour right into… right into Union Station. Casualties are high for both passengers and people on the platform. UCLA has been designated the primary trauma center, they expect RAs to start arriving any second now.” Buck feels his heart beat fast, his skin feeling tight over his body.
“Ok.” He says before taking off to the ED, his legs moving as fast as they can. He gathers up the group of residents and interns and informs them of the trauma.
“I need a couple of the interns to go to Union Station. EMS is going to be overwhelmed and won’t be able to get to everyone, you just need to triage and treat people as best as you can. I believe in each and every one of you.” Buck says, already a group of five nodding to go get supplies and get taken to the scene.
“The rest of you, I need you to move all non-surgical and non-emergent patients in the ED to the hallway to free up bed space, let’s not create chaos ok? Make sure the blood bank is on standby and all ORs are empty - cancel all elective surgeries on my authority, ok?” The residents nod, including Hen.
“Ok then, let’s get to it.” Buck says, whirling around to place a call to dispatch, advising them to transfer all incoming RAs not from the train crash to Cedars. After that, he snaps on the yellow PPE and blue gloves and stands outside. He’s alone for a moment as the residents scramble to move people in an orderly fashion. He won’t lie and say that he’s not nervous, because he is.
He’s petrified. All he can see is visions of trauma in Iraq, of an errant fire truck exploding.
Hen steps outside with him and nudges him. “It’s going to be ok, Buck. We’ll get through this.” Hen says, grounding Buck back to reality.
“This is my first MCI back stateside Hen. I just… I don’t want to lose anyone today.” Buck says, though he knows that’s not realistic. People will die, cries of grief will be heard in the waiting room, heart monitors will sound that slow and continuous flatline.
“I know. I don’t either. It never gets easier.” Hen says. Buck thinks back to his first loss, Daniel. Born to save his brother and he couldn’t even do that. Failure. Rejected. Broken. He shakes these thoughts off. It’s no use thinking of Daniel now, it would only cloud his judgment. Buck has a job to do, and he’ll be damned sure he gives these people the best shot.
***
He’s lost three patients so far today. Three. It’s been two hours and the RAs don’t stop, everytime one leaves UCLA they go back to the train station and come right back, hauling another body.
He’ll be here all night, there’s no way he’ll be able to have dinner with Bobby in a few short hours. Part of him is relieved that he has more time before he talks to his former captain, but another part just wants it over.
“Hey.” Buck says to Hen, walking out of the OR, both of them walking out of separate ORs. He can see the look on her face, one of sorrow and mourning. f*ck. The body count just keeps climbing - and there’s no end in sight.
She gives Buck a small head nod in acknowledgement. Buck sighs and pulls Hen in for a hug.
“It’s going to be ok, today is just… rough.” Buck says, not believing his own words. He’s been a wreck all day; thinking of Daniel, Devon, Safiya and Sayed.
“f*ck today.” Hen says, eliciting a small, sad laugh from Buck.
“Yeah, f*ck today.” Buck replies, letting Hen go, his hands still on her shoulders.
“We’ll give ourselves one minute, just one minute and then we have to go back, ok?” Buck says, Hen nodding again. So he sets a timer and the two of them cry. They cry for the lives lost on the train and their own personal losses that seem to haunt them today. Buck knows Hen carries the guilt of the girl she hit with the RA unit, and that’s becoming apparent today.
The timer stops and Buck wipes tears from his eyes.
“Ok, we have to go now, more people to save.” Buck says quietly.
“More people to save.” Hen repeats, the words pouring over her like her personal mantra. The two walk back to the ED in silence, but the hospital itself is not silent.
Wails of pain and grief carry throughout the hallways, the steady beeps of monitors, and the hushed tones of families and medical professionals envelope them. Things in the ED aren’t much better.
It’s packed with patients, the residents and surgeons corralling the injured around on gurneys and wheelchairs. Paramedics keep pouring in with more and more people. It’s chaos, barely organized chaos.
“We may have to start diverting to USC and Cedars.” Buck says, looking at the long list of patients on the board. His staff is stretched thin, the OR is a revolving door of different doctors and victims.
“Dr. Buckley, an emergency blood shipment from Providence and Huntington Memorial just arrived.” A lead nurse says, to which Buck nods. The fact that they needed blood from two hospitals gave him worry. God would it ever stop?
Hen notices him first. How could she not? She's been his partner when she started at the 118.
“Chimney?” She asks, walking over to him. He looks pale, the soot covering him isn’t doing any favors. It’s odd, neither Buck nor Hen have seen the 118 all day, despite the massive trauma.
“It… It just happened so fast we… we were there on a call - heatstroke and…” Chim says, his breathing becoming erratic.
“What? You’re not making any sense.” Hen says, looking at him with searching eyes. “What happened? Where’s Bobby and Eddie?” Chim’s face crumples at that, tear marks clearing the dust away from his face.
“There.” He says, raising a shaking hand to point at the back of the ambulance. Hen looks to the ambulance in horror and slowly walks to it. With her own shaking hand, she opens the back door and gasps in shock.
There, sitting on a gurney, was a fully conscious Eddie and Bobby with a metal pole through them.
